You are not your kids' friend

A lot of us grew up promising ourselves to be better at relating with her kids more than we were with our parents. That’s a very noble want. And very important also. Where we get it wrong (or maybe take it a little too far)a lot of times is going to the extent of always trying to be friends with our kids, so that the kids are not just happy. But we want them to be happy with us.

Well.... that’s a recipe for disaster.

The truth is if you are doing your job very well, your kids will probably not like you all the time. They most likely will not enjoy all the rules you have for them or the boundaries you set. We have been taught that one of the ways to be sure that an effort or a message is correct and effective is if it is followed by a positive response from the receiver.

That's not going to be true for a lot of the things that you do for your kids. They will not thank you for the disciplines you give when they do something wrong, neither are they always going to be happy with the rules and boundaries. But that should not deter you from doing your job as parents. You are the guardian and especially, when they are young, children need structure, boundaries, rules and discipline. Letting go of all these because you do not want to upset your kids is too costly a price that will affect them in the future.

So,

Maintain your authority, especially when it has to do with values, their safety and healthy boundaries.

Remember that it is not about you. Their experiences are going to be different from yours as long as you continue to try your best. So, separate your own history from your kid’s reality.

Do not overshare with your kids. Communicate with your kids and develop a good rapport. However, there are some things that kids should never be burdened with. Know that boundary and uphold it. Let kids be kids. There will come a time when they will be able to understand those things. Do not rush the process.

Do not hold too tight. Set boundaries, have structures and discipline in place. But do not hold too tight. Allow your kids their freedom within the confine of the boundaries you set. Let them branch out and do their own things. And be available to guide when they need it.

Eventually when your kids are adults, they will most likely come back to thank you for the structure you provided them when they were little. So, don't give that up just so that you can be friends with them now.