You are not disadvantaged in anyway

One of the things that I struggled with after I became a mum was self confidence. Even more so because I was just getting my groove on as a professional. Being a mum, I wanted to give it my all; I still want to. I want my child to be raised in a saner condition than I was raised and I want her to have a worthy example in me. Part of that for me meant that I have to live fully as a person, a wife, a mum and a professional.

But “Talk” is beautiful. Acting on the words that have been said is another thing.

I began to notice that my first instinct when a responsibility was given to me was to use my kid as an excuse to back out. When I got scared about projects or even just being available, I used my kid as the reason why I could not handle it. And it was easy. People understood. I mean, it was obvious. In a way, I wasn’t lying. But I was also selling myself short.

About 79% of working mums struggle with self esteem issues. There is a constant feeling of not being adequate. Granted, there are already certain systems in place at some workplace that set mums up for failure. However, we also give in to that. Even when the plan we have is to achieve great things.

Well, confidence is everything. It is what showcases your talent and puts you ahead of everyone else. If we want to go far in whatever aspect of life that we desire, we would need to show up with confidence, first in ourselves and in our ability to conquer the world. Not in spite of being a mum. But because of it.

And here are some tips that works for me;

Let your kids motivate you - I look at that kid and picture her sibling and I know that I want them to totally be inspired by me. I want them to see an example of a good woman, a kind mum, a devoted wife and a badass professional. I don’t want them to ever feel a hint that their presence in my life made me settle in any area. Instead, their presence motivates me to even be better.

Get mentors in your field - I am a proud advocate of mentorship because it helps me. I look up to people who have conquered the path that I am currently on. And I learn from them. To see how I can make everything work. I don’t want to feel burnt out, so I ask them for wisdom. They are not afraid to say it as it is. And I am not too sensitive to hear the truth.

Have a strong community of mums who want the same things as you - Luckily for me, most of my friends and I had babies at about the same time. And we have always kept ourselves accountable to our goals. Each change of jobs, breaks in career pursuits and job hunt, there is always someone listening, cheering the other person up. Again, we are not afraid to snap sense back into one another. And there are no hard feelings. If they don’t say it, who should say it?

Words of affirmation - It really works for me. Especially when I am nervous about sitting in for a meeting that I feel underqualified to speak at. I affirm myself over and over until I feel what I speak. Maybe repeating some affirmations to yourself everyday also gets you to the point where you truly believe that you are “all that”. Do it. It works.

Apply for some relevant training in your field - If you are feeling less competent in your field, maybe it is time to update your knowledge. That’s a major way up. Self pity is not the way.

Keep the goal in view - The road to your destination might change from time to time, but never forget the goal. Yeah, maybe there are added responsibilities now. But that should not stop you from continuing on your journey.

Do it anyway - Take on that project, voice your opinions, write that proposal. It’s okay to feel inadequate, but that’s no reason to cower in a corner. The difference between those who are successful and the ones who are not is that they never back down, even when they do not feel up to it. Put yourself out there. Commit to the responsibility, and you will catch up. 

Motherhood does not make you disadvantaged. If anything, it should fuel your ambition to make the world better for your kids.