Woes of Motherhood

Author

Umi for Mothers
May 21, 2024

❝

I truly know, deep in the maternal bit of my soul, that my kid is just fine. She is growing at her own pace, and every day I see her learning something new. But every pediatrician appointment, the doctor tells me that she is developmentally behind. Honestly, I don’t even know what this actually means, because they don’t have advice for changing our parenting behaviors and they say she is healthy. She has great relationships with her father, my family, and me. She (very assertively) says “Hi!” to every person she sees. She loves her teachers and friends at day care. She tries to bark at our dog and throws him the ball. But she hasn’t said five words yet (although she knows what belly button, foot, mommy, daddy, and banana mean). Close parent friends tell me not to worry about it, and I look at my fiercely independent child with admiration. But I can’t get over the multiple “abnormal screening” notations on her chart.
—Mama to a “developmentally 13-month-old” 15-month-old

Most of us have been in this mother's shoes. The most recent experience for me happened three months ago. I had taken my 2 year old to see her doctor because she was not feeling well. As the nurses were checking her vitals before we would be allowed to see the doctor, that was when it started. The nurse who checked her weight seemed shocked by her weight. Instead of telling me what the issue was, she just went on to make side comments with her colleagues.

The thing is, I knew my baby was weighing less than she should, but I felt that was normal because she had not been eaten well since she was sick.
I had spoken with my mum (who is a trained nurse, by the way) and she told me not to worry about it. But the minute they started to gossip amongst themselves, I panicked.

So when we finally got in to see the doctor, I asked him for what we can do to get her weight up. He looked again at her chart and told me not to worry about it. She said her weight is probably down because she wasn't feeling well and hadn't been eating. Also, she was still within the weight range for her age. So, we just needed to ensure that she is eating and is healthy. He then added Multivitamin to the medicine he was going to prescribe for us. That was it.

These were all the things I knew before I went in. But the side comments threw me up. I took it as a judgement on my parenting skills; a show of how terrible I am as a mum. Even though I am quick to tell others not to allow comments like that get to them, it affected me so much. I only began to feel a lot better last week after her weight began to climb.

This is the reality, comments like this will get to you. Because we devote so much of our time and attention to seeing that these kids are healthy and well. To have anyone say otherwise or to perceive that that effort is being undermined, will periodically be a jab on our self esteem as a mum. And I wish I could say that it won't happen again. But we all know that would be a lie.

The goal however, is not to allow it deter us from doing the best we can. As cliche as it sounds, you know your child. So, care for your child.

Ensure they are healthy.

Make sure they are exposed to the kind of information that helps them grow intellectually.

Expose them to some physical activities that strengthens their motor skills.

Have conversation with them so that they can develop social skills.

Pray over them, if you are a person of faith.

In all.... ensure you continue to do what's best for your kid. Do not lose sight of that.

Let the naysayers continue to talk. They do not define you.

And if you are reading this, you are doing a good job.

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