Why you don't have friends

We talk a lot about the need for connection and community in your journey through life. Especially as parents.

However, my interaction with some parents in the last couple of weeks revealed reasons certain people can boldly say they do not have anyone.

One reason that is so profound is that a lot of friendship are forged based on opportunities. People are making friends based solely on what benefits they can get from such friendships as opposed to real connections, mutual respect and shared values.

Some pride themselves on having seasonal friends; friendship that is only good when the going is good. When things turn sour or those friends have issues, the friendship wane. It's only for a time. It was never meant to be forever.

And with technology, there are lots of superficial friendship and connection happening daily. You probably have thousands of 'friends' across all your social media accounts. How many of them are really your close friends? How many of them will you call to help feed your child or look after your pet if you have to be away for a few days?

This is my thing.

Obviously, this kind of shallow connection may have its place in the office, for business and for other purposes. But for parenting and for long term community that sticks with you through anything, it will not serve you.

Instead of focusing on what is in it for you for every relationship, how about you just be friends with someone because they share the same values with you. They just get you and you get them.

Let your friendship be based on mutual respect. Friends who can offer useful advice when you need it, who can talk you off the ledge, someone you actually listen to, and vise versa. If you can not talk about real life situations/issues with your friend, that's just an acquaintance.

Your friends, genuine friends, are also people you can totally trust. They trust you too. If they share your values, it means you can leave your kids with them for some time if you ever need to, and they can do the same with you. And if they ever make a mistake (since slip ups are bound to happen. That’s just life), you can see the mistake for whatever it is. And not have it ruin your entire friendship.

I know I sound like a broken record when I talk about forging genuine relationships. But that's how you will survive as a parent. There is no way you will be able to raise your kid alone. You will need people. Genuine people/friends and a community of support who will stand with you, stand in for you and hold you down when you get exhausted. Because this is one job that will definitely leave you tired...a lot.

Start making those friends now, if you haven't started already.

If you have friends, family members and support systems like that, appreciate them. They are doing God's work.