Umi Spotlight: Tolulope Peter

A mum in Ibadan

With Umi Spotlight, we are sharing the best of what other mothers have figured out both in their motherhood journey and in life.

On this edition, Tolulope Peter talks about the many things she learnt from her Dad and how she is currently implementing it in the way she parents her daughter. She shares of the legacy she wants to leave her kids and what she is currently doing to make that possible.

Going back to the way you were raised, are there any styles of parenting or traditions your parents raised you with that you now also do with your kid(s)?
Yes. Before I got married, I decided I was going to retain some of my father's parenting style. My father did a lot of teaching, explaining why and how things should be done. He was also always friendly and approachable. I will like to replicate these.

What about your upbringing would you prefer not to repeat with your own journey as a parent?
My mother most time uses strong words as punishment for doing wrong. This really affected my self-esteem as a teenager. I surely will not want to repeat that.

What attributes of yours or that of your husband have you began to see in your kids?
Ahh! Phoebe is strong-willed and loves to organize things like my husband. She is also very friendly and lighthearted like him.

What was postpartum like for you? Did you have help? Were there any complications with your mental and physical health? And if there was, how did you deal with it?
I had help in my first month post partum. I learnt basic things I needed to know about caring for a new born. All thanks to my pastors and church brethren. Life after then was a little challenging. My husband and my friend, Moyinoluwa, were my strongest support system.
Yes. I had a little complications. I gave birth through Caesarian Section. My stitch point was not properly cared for so it was infected. Thank God it was detected and treated promptly.

How do you relax? What is self care for you?
I listen to good music and just be (no plan, no work, no thought)

What do you miss most about your life before kids?
Being able to do anything I wish to do without considering how it will affect my child.

What was the best advice you got about being a mother to your kid(s)?
You have to be firm.

How would you describe your parenting style?
I currently do more of giving instructions because my child is still 2 years old. I sometimes also allow her do what she wants. I try to explain reasons for certain decisions and actions I take for her as simple as I can. Surprisingly, she sometimes understands.

What about motherhood and parenting do you still struggle with?
Getting my daughter to obey me, especially in public.

How do you discipline your kid(s) (instead of beating them)?
I simply attach consequences to her actions. Of course, "consequences" are tuned down to her age and level of comprehension.

What's your happiest childhood memory?
When I am alone with my father

What would you prefer your children’s memory of their childhood be?
Fun. Peace.

What is your proudest moment so far as a mum?
I feel proud when I hear my daughter tell other children to do what she has learnt to do at home. Like when she tells them not to litter the floor.

Who are you, aside being a mum?
I am a Customer Service Personnel, a child of God, Co-founder at Umi and a wife.

What was your experience with healthcare when you were pregnant and during the delivery of your kid(s)?
While I was pregnant I had a good gynecologist and delivery was smooth. Aside the infection I talked about earlier, I enjoyed good healthcare

What are your thoughts on family planning? Did you plan your kids or did you just go with the flow?
I believe family planning helps the family to be more stable and to avoid surprises.

If you could do something different about your choice of career and family life, what would it be?
Nothing.

What advice(s) do you have for new mums in Africa?
Get support systems. Friends, family, neighbors and online support groups are very important.

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