Umi Spotlight: Ifeoluwa Bukola Effiong

With Umi Spotlight, we are sharing the best of what other mothers have figured out both in their motherhood journey and in life.

On this edition, Ifeoluwa Bukola Effiong shares the style of parenting from her upbringing she has embraced with her kids and the ones she is doing away with.She shares talks about her journey through postpartum and some shockers she experienced. Find out more about her here

Going back to the way you were raised, are there any styles of parenting or traditions your parents raised you with that you now also do with your kid(s)?
I raise my kids with lots of discipline and I instill the same values in them, as I as raised. However, my style of parenting is quite the opposite from our days because I do not raise them to fear me or my husband. In our days we were trained to fear our parents, we were not free to communicate with them without been beaten or scolded. Thus the only thing really missing now is the use of rod; Proverbs 13:24, says ‘He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.’

What about your upbringing would you prefer not to repeat with your own journey as a parent?
The part of my upbringing that I won't like to repeat with my children are child labour and unfriendliness, over protection, and operating a dictatorship reign.

What attributes of yours or that of your husband have you began to see in your kids?
My children take after myself and their father in standing on what they want. They will refuse every other thing except that particular one they want, as young as they are.

What was postpartum like for you? Did you have help? Were there any complications with your mental and physical health? And if there was, how did you deal with it?
Postpartum with my second child was different from the first. I had help after the birth of my second child. The unusual thing I discovered though was the lack of interest in sex coupled with the fact that I was not seeing my menstrual circle anymore. However after I started to exercise, prayed, took specific fruits and medication, I got my groove back.

How do you relax? What is self care for you?
I relax by singing, listening to gospel music and sleeping.

What do you miss most about your life before kids?
I miss my lovey dovey life. I can not do so many things when the children are there. Because they will begin to imitate and some of those things are not appropriate for their age.

What was the best advice you got about being a mother to your kid(s)?
The best advice I ever got is to know God for myself so that I will be able to teach my children in the way of the Lord. As the scripture say 'your children shall be taught of the Lord and great shall be your peace'.

How do you manage to juggle all your responsibilities without dropping the ball at home, especially in creating time with your kid(s)?
Juggling with work, church, school and parenting is like rocket science but with God on my side, I feel I get better every day with the help of the Holy spirit. Also, I have been intentional and disciplined with time.

What about motherhood and parenting do you still struggle with?
I only have two kids for now, and I have been able to manage it all pretty well. I really don't have any struggles with them. Whatever I cannot handle, I hand over to God.

How do you discipline your kid(s) (instead of beating them)?
I discipline my kids mostly by using punishment mostly such as not giving them their favourite snack, stopping them from watching their favourite channel, and I asked them to kneel there and here. However, I still spank them sometimes once in a while though

What assumptions did you have about motherhood that you found untrue after you became a mum?
I've always been a mum to most of my cousins and brothers. I started being a mum from a very young age, so parenting comes naturally to me. I kind of already had ideas of what it would be like, so I had no assumptions.

What is your proudest moment so far as a mum?
My proudest moment are when people give excellent comments about my children.

How is it like raising your children in a different community to the one you grew up in?
The community I'm raising my children in presently do not have the same view of respect and values as the one I grew up in. So, I try as much as possible to instill in my children, the Yoruba pattern of parenting and it's working. In fact, my one year plus baby also kneels to greet.

Who are you, aside being a mum?
Aside been a mum, I'm a community facilitator, business woman, a minister and a wife.

What was your experience with healthcare when you were pregnant and during the delivery of your kid(s)?
I wouldn't want to say much concerning that, because I believe we can do better. Most of the good hands have relocated.

What are your thoughts on family planning? Did you plan your kids or did you just go with the flow?
Yes I planned my kids, even though I was not ready for my second baby at the time it came. But my kids have an age gap of 3yrs plus my two kids share the same month.

What's your take on creating social media accounts for kids and showing them off on social media?
I really don't appreciate showing children off on social media. I believe they are not mature enough for such things. It's a no for me.

What advice(s) do you have for new mums in Africa?
New mums should never compare their children to other kids. Every child is unique in their own way. Also, take time to rest even when breastfeeding. No matter how busy you are, breastfeed your baby for at least one year. It will prevent cancer of the breast for you and increase the productivity of your child.,