Umi Spotlight: Fisayo Dayo-Samuel

With Umi Spotlight, we are sharing the best of what other mothers have figured out both in their motherhood journey and in life.

On this edition, Fisayo Dayo-Samuel shares the extent to which her upbringing is playing a role in the way she is raising her kids now. She also talks about her self care routine as well as what she is proud of as a mum. Read more about her here

Going back to the way you were raised, are there any styles of parenting or traditions your parents raised you with that you now also do with your kid(s)?
Yes, my parent raised me and my siblings inclusively. We practically do everything together and eat together as a family. My daughter especially has gotten used to this and she loves to eat when the family is ready to eat.

What about your upbringing would you prefer not to repeat with your own journey as a parent?
Having to live with a family member didn’t give me enough opportunity to bond with my mum and my siblings the way I wanted. I believe at a young age growing to become an adult, children especially need the love and nurture of their immediate family to reflect the expected values. Children who live with other people can also grow up with childhood trauma.

What attributes of yours or that of your husband have you began to see in your kids?
Soft heart towards people. My daughter loves people and appreciates people’s uniqueness, which she took from me. Her Dad is a professional designer and our daughter has eyes for design and can easily interpret a design with the object used in designing it. Our son is still a baby so we look forward to what he will pick.

What was postpartum like for you? Did you have help? Were there any complications with your mental and physical health? And if there was, how did you deal with it?
For my first baby, I experienced postpartum depression after 3 months of giving birth. There was a whole lot that happened. I couldn’t write or attend to work like I used to do, but I didn’t keep to myself. I spoke out; my husband was also a great support system. I eventually spoke with an expert about my cycle and I went through the process of proper healing. Even though I had help from both sides of my mother, I still experienced that phase. So, it can still happen irrespective of what people are around you, but it is better when people are present during that moment. For my 2nd child, from pregnancy till birth I had a lot of complications and back and forth. I was surprised I hadn’t experienced any postpartum issues maybe because I had gone through the first one and I knew how to protect my mental health the second time.

How do you relax? What is self-care for you?
I love hot water bathtubs. so I soak myself for some hours with good relaxing soap and cool music to shut out everything. it is my me time.

What do you miss most about your life before kids?
Been able to go out with my husband whenever I liked. We both travelled a lot and took walks at night. These has really reduced because we have to think of so many things before setting out. I intend to take my travelling seriously again.

What was the best advice you got about being a mother to your kids?
To be present at each stage of their growing up. They should be able to see me involved in their growing process, cheering them on.

How would you describe your parenting style?
Every parent’s style depends on the seed you have (Child). Your child is different from every child; even children born of the same mother and father won’t be the same. So, understanding your seed and what is required to nurture them will determine your parenting style. My daughter is sanguine and none of us have her energy to that extent. But we don't shut her out because her personality is different from ours. We had to learn what we needed to do to embrace who she is, her possible strengths and weaknesses and that helps us to know the kind of style to use while parenting her.

What about motherhood and parenting do you still struggle with?
Sometimes, I go back to the default setting of how we were trained. But I take a step back sometimes and I ask questions every time I feel I am not doing right. I speak with my daughter sometimes, to know her thought towards some of my actions. And I take the feedback graciously. So at the moment, I am a student learning to be a better mother.

How do you discipline your kids (instead of beating them)?
We use time out, like when she refuses to listen or insists on being naughty. We have a naughty corner that she stays to reflect. And we seize some toys she loves more till she understands what she did. She comes back apologising and explains what she did and what she won’t be doing again. This has helped measure our progress over some behaviours we don’t love in her.
Do we get it right every time? No, but we take the process one step at a time.

What’s your happiest childhood memory?
Having my Dad, my Mum and my siblings together was so much fun and we had remarkable time together. When Dad died, I was growing to become a young adult and that event reshaped so many things about me.

What would you prefer your children’s memory of their childhood be?
To see them as a Team. We call ourselves Team Dayo-Samuel and I can see my daughter mentioning sometimes, 'Mum, let’s do this as a team.' Team bonding spirit has been core in our home. I hope it remains like that for her and her brother.

What is your proudest moment so far as a mum?
Seeing my daughter reflecting and showing the values she has learned and emulated from me and her father. It makes me want to keep doing better

Who are you, aside from being a mum?
I am a professional communication specialist focused on crisis management for organisations, and also a family life practitioner.

What was your experience with healthcare when you were pregnant and during the delivery of your kid(s)?
I enjoyed the two processes, though the process of childbearing for both kids wasn’t the same. I had a great experience with the health facility and experts who handled my delivery.

What are your thoughts on family planning? Did you plan your kids or did you just go with the flow?
It depends on the person involved. I had 3 years in between my first and second pregnancy. And that was a choice between me and my husband. So it depends on the couple.

If you could do something different about your choice of career and family life, what would it be?
Maybe I would have continued my education on time, and maybe I would have achieved more. I went back to do my Masters after having my first child and in preparation for my PhD after my second baby. But I am and I will achieve all that I set my mind to do.

What advice(s) do you have for new mums in Africa?
Being a mother is great, but don’t forget it is just a role. Do not forget your identity (Woman) in the process. Work hand in hand with your partner so you don't lose yourselves. You are doing great, Mama and there is more to you. Explore!