Toxic statements parents say to their kids

We are grateful for the gift of our little ones. They are adorable; they literally light up every room. We are so blessed and honoured to have them. But they can also be pretty exhausting to raise and to guide. Sometimes, it gets to the point that as parents, we begin to say some negative things based on the actions and reactions of our kids. We may even question out loud the decision to have the kid in the first place.

Here are some very popular toxic statements and questions parents say to their kids:

What’s wrong with you? Usually, parents ask this when they are frustrated by their kids' behaviour and cannot pinpoint the reason for such action. However, instead of asking what is wrong with the child, why not ask, “Why are you doing this?” Make your question about their present action, instead of making it about their personality and identity. And let your question be genuine about making an inquiry, instead of  judging them (this is going to be hard, but try). This question can become the basis for insecurity and identity crisis as they grow through life. 

You should be more like your brother/sister/friend: This statement is outrightly terrible. Learn the uniqueness of your child and relate with them accordingly. Don’t try to change them into your idea of perfection. They are already perfect. Just get to know them.

I am so disappointed in you: As a parent, your children will always aim to impress you. Just like you still do some things to please your own parents. Don’t bruise their ego by telling them how disappointed you are in them. Instead, express your belief in their ability and your wish for them to also see it and apply it. Say something like, “I am always very proud of you and I know you are capable of so many amazing things. I just want you to also see that capacity in yourself and apply it. I will always cheer you on, my dear.” Or something along the lines of “I don’t like that you did that. I know you can do better. You know I believe in you, and will be here to support you.” No judgement, just genuine words sprinkled with some advice and a reassurance of love, no matter what.

I gave up so much just to be your mother: Whatever sacrifice you made to be a mother is not on your kids. They didn’t choose to come here. You made that decision regardless of how reluctant you were or not. So, don’t put that on your kids. They should never bear the responsibility for coming through you. Come to terms with your choice to be a mother and embrace the joy that comes from it. If you need to heal from certain consequences of your choice, book an appointment with a therapist or confide in someone who you know can help. But, please let the children feel no responsibility for that decision.

You will be the death of me: The implication of this statement gets even worse from whatever angle you decide to look at it. Don’t proclaim negativity into the future of your kids and their destiny. Instead, talk about the great things that they will achieve in life.

You are so dumb and useless. Why are you so uncultured? First of all, there is no dumb child. Again, learn the uniqueness of your child and appreciate their brilliance. If your child is uncultured, it is because you have not trained them. Raise your kids right. Start now. Instead of criticising the things about them that you do not like, focus on appreciating the good things about them and teaching them to do the right things. If you continue to criticise those kids, they will one day tell you how much you have failed as a mum. We don’t want that.

Let us focus on making positive affirmations in our kids’ lives. Your words as a mum are very important to what they will become in life. Do not become the principalities in your own kids’ lives. When you feel yourself having nothing good to say, say nothing. Walk away until you have better things to say.

We have awesome kids. Let our words bring forth the greatness in them. You can download our FREE positive affirmations for your kids and declare them daily.