Talking to your kids about your emotions

One thing that I hear a lot from parents, especially when something hurtful happens is "I can't let my kids see me like this. I need to shake it up and get to my job as parent." While it is noble for a parent to want to shield children from pain, hurt and sadness, it is not entirely in our power to make that happen. Children will feel pains of their own, be sad and get hurt. That's just life.

One of the ways children can get comfortable with that reality is the way you deal with pain. Although we think that we can hide our sadness from our kids, that's not possible. Emotions find a way of showing up. And when you do not address it or give it an appropriate outlet, it comes out when you least expect at a place that might be embarrassing for you.

While you think you don't want your kids to see you hurt, it can reflect in you snapping at your kids, shouting, being disinterested in what they do or in you just always wanting to be by yourself. That's emotions for you. It finds its way.

So, what do we do?

Kids understand emotions more than we give them credit for. An infant can sense "Happy" or "sad". They can sense when things are good and when they are not. They know when you are feeling well and when you are not. And a lot of times, they are able to empathise.

What you can do is explain what you are feeling to your kids in a language they understood. For instance, "Mummy is feeling sad right now, but I will be fine." If it's a mental struggle, experts have said that it is appropriate to talk to your kids about it in a way that is suited to their developmental level.


Let them know that you are doing what you can to get to the other side of the emotions you are feeling.

Assure them that you will be fine.

If you need some time to get better, let your kids know that. It’s better that they know ahead instead of them having to wonder why mummy doesn't want to play with them.

Children are sponges. They soak up everything they see and sense around them. Let's encourage them to process emotions better by setting a good example of that with them.

We will be fine.