Raising Resilient kids

I have been thinking a lot about building resilience in kids. I mean, how do we show love to these creatures that came from inside of us without necessarily making everything better for them. I saw a video recently of a man knowingly putting a barrier right in front of his kid. He wanted his child to figure it out and cross it to meet him. I found it very beautiful to see the kid try everything he could until he was able to cross the barrier. It was so beautiful to see. But then I reflected on it. And thought about how (or if) I am doing that for my daughter.

All parents who have raised successful kids that I know and I have listened to have something in common. They all say you should sometimes allow them to figure things out. “You cannot always sweep in to save your kids,” they say. You have to let them learn for themselves.

But how do I do that? How do we do that? They are so small. And even when our kids are old, they will still always be our little girl or our little boy. Kids are never too grown in front of their parents. My mum still considers me a child sometimes. We want to protect our kids so much that it sometimes is difficult to watch them struggle and not help out.

Here’s what I learnt;

• Start small - you don’t have to start an obstacle course on day one.

• When they ask a question, throw it back at them sometimes. Let them try answering the questions themselves.

• Trust your kid. If they say they can do something, believe them. And let them do it.

• Do not be a helicopter parent. Don’t hover. Trust them. Do not be far away, but do not hover.

• Ask for their help, sometimes. I know they are still young, but you have produced some very intelligent kids. They are more knowledgeable than their age. So, ask for their help. My 2yo is the chief at carrying Daddy’s food now, and getting water for me. She loves to do it and I love her helping me.

• The mess is part of the process. It’s not a big deal. The mess can be cleaned. But let your kid demonstrate their creativity.

• Be patient. You are going to have to be patient for this to work. Be patient to teach, to listen, to observe and to discern when to come in to save your kid and when to let them figure it out. 

• Be kind and loving. Building resilience in kids does not translate to showing no emotion to your kid, neither does it give you the permission to be mean. Be kind and loving. 

• Demonstrate resilience to your kids. Whatever you say will not matter if you do not show it to your kids. If you want your kids to be resilient, you will have to be resilient yourself. Let them see the example in you. You fall, you get back up. Life throws you lemon, you gather them together and make something beautiful from it. Show your kids.

  How about we do that this summer before our kids go back to school. This is a journey that we will continue to master for all our lives.
  
  It’s not too early to start and it’s never too late.