Raising kids who are not people pleasers

One thing that I hope you are doing is trying to raise a kid who is not a people pleaser. That means raising a kid who is confident in themselves, and in their achievements without overly dependent on someone else to validate them. That's not to say that our kids are going to be pompous with no filter and no regard for anyone. But that they will be comfortable in their own skin.

How do we do this?

We teach our kids to take responsibility for their own actions. They do not shift the blame of any of their actions on someone else.

We teach them about boundaries for themselves and for others. Their body is theirs, no one has a right to touch them without their consent and they are not allowed to touch anyone without the other person's consent. They also have a right to their personal space, as do others.

We encourage them to say "No" to whatever they are not comfortable with. That also means we respect when they say "No" to us.

We entrust them with making some decisions for themselves as soon as possible. And we respect their decisions. For instance, you can let them decide what they wear and what they eat (from options that are acceptable to you).

Praise them for specific things that they've done. And for what they haven’t figured out, encourage them to try on it and be okay with the process. They are not going to be the best at everything. And that’s okay.

Make them feel safe to be smart, to be funny, to be happy and to keep trying.

We do not compare them with other kids.

We show them examples of assertiveness, confidence and self love at home. We cannot teach confidence to our kids while we hide from responsibilities and allow everyone else walk all over us. Don't forget that our kids learn a lot through observation.

Most importantly, we love them. A child that is well loved and who is aware of it will most likely be bold to try out anything. Because they know that no matter what, their parents will always be proud of them. They are always sure that they cannot disappoint their parents.

Love is the most important way to teach kids not to be people pleasers.