Pressure from 'perfect' social media Mums

Social media is a huge part of our lives at the moment. An average African new mum has at least one social media account. And if you are like me, you probably follow some accounts or subscribe to YouTube channels to learn more about important aspects of your lives.

Parenting is one of those aspects; a lot of us follow/subscribe to certain accounts to be amused, get ideas and be inspired by experts or everyday mothers like us in our journey of motherhood. No judgement here, it is the reality of life now. It’s like getting advice from your friends or learning from the way parents in your community raise their kids (trust me, I follow my fair share of accounts on parenting).

Now, the issue is how this can be detrimental to our mental health, parenting style and the overall confidence of parents. It is so easy to feel inadequate watching parents on social media who have ‘perfect’ kids. I mean, these kids eat their vegetables, walk at 3 months old (I exaggerate, but you get the gist), speak fluently, they do not throw tantrums, and so on.

And then you have your gorgeous baby who you are doing everything right with, but who seems to be not as ‘perfect’ as the babies that are being displayed on social media.

It can be frustrating.

Then you start to question your parenting style. You start to lose confidence in your ability as a parent. And some even go to the extent of resenting their kids for not hitting their milestones at the ‘right’ time (sigh! Parenting is rough, y’all).

We did some research and did a poll on mothers from 4 countries, to find out how to deal with this pressure. Here is our take away from their responses:

Remember that what people post online is a curated expression of reality. You also have good days, you know.

Limit your obsession with these apps/accounts. Their life is not always like that and I think you know that. It’s like watching a fairy tale movie and expecting your reality to be exactly the same.

Stop comparing your parenting experience with someone else’. No two parents are the same.

Devote your attention to raising your kids the way you are convinced you want to raise them. You can get your inspiration from wherever you choose. But no obsession, guys!

Embrace your mistakes. You are going to make a lot of them and that’s okay. You are on a journey of a lifetime and there will be bumps, so you might as well get comfortable.

Unfollow/unsubscribe from accounts that make you feel incompetent. Once you start to feel inadequate as a parent because of someone else’ curated lifestyle, then it’s time to unfollow that person/account/channel.

Take periodic breaks from social media. Take time to be fully present and appreciate your reality (however imperfect they are). You will be doing your mental health a favour.

Whatever you do, Mama, remember that your motherhood experience is different from the next person. Allow your child/children to reach their milestones at their pace without casting your own insecurities on them. And if you are concerned about timing or how slow they are reaching their milestones, consult medical practitioners (not @perfectmom101 on Instagram).

Be confident in your parenting style. Gain as much knowledge as you can. But be flexible, knowing that this is not exactly about you or your need to brag about your kids to your friends. Love the journey you are on. Love your kids the way they are.

Don’t bow to pressure, please! Give your kid a special hug today (tell him/her Umi sent you 😀).

Well done, Mama.