My kids are getting on my nerves

I am going to offend you with this newsletter. Because frankly, some of the things I will be encouraging you to do today are things that I am still struggling with. And I only have one kid at the moment. So, I will understand if you who have more than one feel like punching me.

I have found that these days, it seems like my little girl is going out of her way to piss me off. I believe she observes me and just when I am in my calm state, at the time when I am feeling myself, she decides that it's time to push Mummy's buttons. And a lot of times, it works.

You know, I was one of those mums who when pregnant promised that I would never raise my voice at my kids, nor allow my insecurities get in the way of me showing up as a parent. I even used to quietly judge mums who appeared to be losing their cool with their kids in public. In fact, I think I have even written to you that you could easily do it if you would just talk to your kids.

I still stand strongly on you communicating with your kids. But I am starting to see that it takes more than that.

Children are clean slates given to us to help nurture and guide in the direction that makes them well adjusted and successful in life. However, they do not become well adjusted on their own. As a matter of fact, they also come with their own minds and their own perception of what is right and wrong. Which means they will push boundaries, act in the way they see fit. And although they do not mean to upset us, they wanting to do things their own way will get on our nerves. It is what it is.

Here's what I have been told to do;
Recognise my triggers: We all have things that sets us off - feelings, thoughts, behaviors/actions. If we know what our tells are, the things that our kids could touch that will make us flare up, then we can figure out how to work with that.

See their moments of disobedience/tantrums as an opportunity. This is the difficult part. To see that moment where they are getting our last nerves as an avenue to act dignified, to defuse the situation instead of making it worse by raising our voice.

Consider the best possible ways of teaching and guiding them, instead of reacting. My sister told me to consider in that moment if I had actually taught them how to do better. And if I had, see their actions as indications that they obviously have not learnt what I have been teaching. So, we teach again. Or better yet, love em.

Keep a cool head at all times. I have not figured this one out. But I am working on it.

Give my kids opportunities to do better. And appreciate it when they do better.

The more I read, listen and observe, I have noticed that the moment when my kid press my buttons reveals a part of me that I am still trying to work on. I still have a lot of things to heal from. And I have so much more to work on as a mum.

But I think you and I are on the right path.