Loving your kids on their terms

When I was going to get married to my partner, we read books, took some psychometric tests and asked to know and understand what our love languages were. If we wanted to be loved right and also show love in the way that it would be received in the right way, we knew it was important to try to figure that out. And it works. Every time we remember to apply it, it does work.

It’s the same for everyone. Even kids. Everyone has a perfect way that they prefer to be shown love. And it starts from when we were kids. In the spirit of valentine, we are going to find out our kids’ love languages from the lens of the 5 main love languages:

Physical Touch: For some kids, just having you hug, kiss or hold them is enough to make them feel good about themselves. You will actually see the satisfaction in their eyes as you hold on to them. My baby is big on you carrying her, but she wants none of the kisses and hugs (from me, anyways).

Quality Time: I dare say that everyone I know wants to be given some attention. Now, imagine kids who are still trying to figure out what life is about. They rely on us to navigate the world. So, how else would they learn from us if we don’t give them the attention they need? How else would we get to find out what their love languages are and other personality traits in them, if we do not take the time to play, and just be present in our kids’ life?

Words of Affirmation: We would normally say, “you are bold”, “You shine”, “you sparkle” to our little girl. We started from when she couldn’t talk and now, she says it herself. And she lights up when she says it now, as though she knows what those words mean. Words of affirmation are a good way to build up our kids’ self esteem. Every child needs this.

Gifts: Well, I can’t tell if my kid loves gifts now or not. All I know is that she likes shoes and bags. She is always excited when I buy any of those for her. And she is not even 2 yet. Special gifts for kids don’t even have to cost us money. It just needs to be thoughtful. And be about them.

Acts of Service: Kids also love you to do things for them. Just more than buying them stuff, kids would love you to do things with them and for them.

For you as parents, valentine may not be a big deal or you may not require a special day to commemorate love for your partner. But for the kids, try to show them a glimpse of your love for them on that special love day. It is better if they get used to that tradition at home than to desperately search for a weirder and crooked meaning for it among their peers.

Write love notes to your kids, send them a gift, spend some family time together, rein in some tickle time. Just have some fun with them. Love your kids the way they want to be loved. A day of fun without any hassle might just do your family and your kids some good.