Helping your child deal with bullies

Okay! I know we’ve said so many things about raising kids who are empathetic, kind and emotionally balanced. And all that is true and should be our goal everyday. However, we do know that there are bullies in this world. Some of us even have them as bosses, coworkers or even family members. And so do some kids in school or at their playground. This can be a very disturbing experience for children. I mean to have someone pick on you for reasons that can not be explained cannot be good for anyone.

A lot of children who are bullied in school display some of these signs;

Mood swings

Reluctance to go to school or playground.

Withdrawing or being distant.

Bruises and cuts on their body.

Sleeplessness and lack of interest in food. And so many more.

You know your kids. You can read them better than anyone. If you notice any form of strange behavior of anxiety, that’s your sign to start asking questions about their experience with other kids.

After establishing that a kid is being bullied, what can you do?

This is where you need a lot of discretion and wisdom. A child who is being bullied already feels scared that they might be blamed for allowing it to happen to them, or that they might be made to retaliate with the bully or that their parents might not believe them or even worse, the bullying would get worse because they had just snitched. This is why you need to be very careful about how to react when you get wind of this.

Listen carefully without judgement. Listen attentively to every word your child is saying about the situation.

Reassure them of how much they are loved. Let them know that it is not their fault that they were bullied.

Boost your child’s confidence by reminding him/her of all the wonderful things that are good about him/her. One person’s ignorant act does not diminish the wonderful elements that make your child amazing.

Appreciate your child for talking to you about it. That is always the right thing to do. So, appreciate that.

Talk to a teacher/administrator or school head about the incident. Express the need for discretion as you don’t want it blowing back in your kid’s face. And trust that they would look into the matter.

Also, talking to the bully’s parents might also help.

Advice your kid to walk in the group of other friends. Encourage the buddy system, so that your kid is never alone and so that there are witnesses to corroborate his/her story.

Get a counsellor or a mentor involved. Whoever else you think can actively stay in your child’s life to encourage them, listen to anything else they aren’t telling you and someone who can validate your kid. For a lot of kids, the distress they feel from being bullied is usually deeper than what they are able to express. If you feel a little overwhelmed about how to help your kid in that situation, get a counsellor involved.

If you are not pleased with how the school handled the situation and your child is still being bullied, get his/her consent to change school.

What you should not do?

Do not internalise it. Your child getting bullied is not your fault.

Do not go to your child’s school to fight the administrator, or the parents. Always find a peaceful work around. Set the right example for your kids.

Never advise your kid to hit the bully back. Two wrongs don’t make a right.

Do not lame your kid.

Everything will be alright.